Hillbilly With A Drinking Problem
Hey Boregard, what ya doin tonight?
I’m a goin outside and takin flight.
What chu sayin? You all can’t fly.
By 9:00 tonight—– I will be high.
Ya old boozer, yer at it again.
Ya drink more than Bobby Linn.
The town drunk fer the past 8 years.
He only knows ‘more’ & ‘cheers.’
Why ya getting all liquored up fer now?
Ya knows yer wife is gonna have a cow.
I’m gonna fly like the ‘witchy woman.’
She’s the one The Eagles saw coming.
Ya keep it up an you’ll have the D T’s again.
See pink elephants and kiss your friends.
You’ll be a twitchin on the floor.
Puking and a barfing all over some more.
Don’t chu a worry bout my drinkin now.
I don’t care ifin my wife has a cow.
I be a celebratin the big occasion.
I be the leader of a bran new nation.
What nation is that? The drunken nation?
No. The Nation of Dalmatians.
Ya know I got a slew o them dogs.
I have more dogs than I have hogs.
You be Looney tunes is what you are.
You’re whacker than a crazy ‘baar.’
That booze is a killin yer brain cells.
Yer brain gets pickled, then it swells.
Let me take ya somewhere tonight.
It’s a new meetin I think you’ll like.
Do they show the old smut films?
I like em & the food. Fire up those kilns.
This be an A. A. meetin. Might save yer life.
Before ya get yerself killed by yer wife.
It be a good thing fer you to do.
I don’t wanna be havin to bury you.
You can guess what Boregard said.
Yeah, he’s still drunk & out of his head.
He said A. A. was “Drunk A Logs” fer all.
Not as fun as actually havin a ball.
When he dies the town bar will go broke.
On his tombstone will be his quote.
“A beer to me is like a glass of water.”
“If it was a lake I’d swim like an otter.”
—————————-R. W. Johnson—–(2016)