Romance in ‘Redneck’ Country

 

         Romance in ‘Redneck’ Country

Thank you Lord, it’s finally Friday night.

I got a date with Joey. He’s gonna hold me tight.

I am getting prettied up and ready to go.

Papa said “Baby, are you putting on a show?”

I said “I got a date with Joey tonight.”

He said “You mean that kid whose always gettin in fights?”

“Yes Papa, but, they weren’t his fault.” “The other kids wouldn’t stop when he said halt.”

“You don’t a be listenen to a kid like Joey.”

“Ifin he comes around I don’t want ya ta go, see.”

“Papa we’ve been through this before.”

“I’m old enough ya don’t tell me what ta do no more.”

Papa went in his room and slammed the door.

I just stood there starin at the floor.

Pretty soon I hear Joey on the porch.

He was a whistling at the horse.

I ran out and said “Let’s hit the road.”

“What’s the hurry gal? You swallow a toad?”

“Papa is mad and he might come out.”

“What’s this all about?”

“Tell ya later. I think I heard his voice.”

We were out of there laying rubber, of course.

We went to dinner then took in a dance.

What a way to start a romance.

Spinning and twirling around the floor.

Then dancing real slow. We yelled for more.

He dropped me off a little after eleven.

I went floating in the door feeling like I’d been to heaven.

Papa met me in the hall.

He was mad enough to make me bawl.

He yelled & hollered & stomped his feet.

Said if I kept this up he would toss me into the street.

I ran to my room crying all the way.

After awhile, mama came in to pray.

“Give him time dear and he will calm down.”

“Sometimes he’s more of an ass than a clown.”

“Mama, Joey’s not a bad boy”

“I know dear. Just, around papa you must be coy.”

I loved my mama. She was the best.

I often wondered why she was different than the rest.

She said ”When papa and I first met”

“My dad felt the same way. He’s still mad yet.”

“He said papa was no good.”

“Ifin I stayed with him it would come ta no good.”

“Your papa was determined ta prove him wrong.”

“That is why we have been together so long.”

“Papa sees himself when he looks at Joey.”

“When papa was young he was quite the bully.”

“You just hang in there, but be very coy.”

“I’ll talk to papa & remind him of when he was a boy.”

“In the long run it will work out.”

“Papa won’t want ta be like my dad, he will shout.”

Mama was right. I always knew she was.

Papa even gave me away because.

No matter what anyone could say.

He wasn’t like his father in law in any way.

—————————————————-R. W. Johnson—–(2014)

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I Can’t Be Me

      If I Can’t Be Me

Should I come to the front door?

Or, you want me to go around back?

You say you want me over more.

I think it’s only to get me in the sack.

 

If I can’t be me.

Then how can I be with you?

 

The relationship started out wrong.

You took me for who I am not.

I know how to be strong.

I’m not changing for what you’ve got.

 

If I can’t be me.

Then how can I be with you?

 

If this relationship is going to last.

One of us is changing.

I have no intention of lowering my class.

It’s time for you to stop blaming.

 

If I can’t be me.

Then how can I be with you?

 

The macho stuff has to go.

It’s not the kind of thing I respond to.

I know it’s the only show you know.

Time to dig deep & learn some new moves.

 

If I can’t be me.

Then how can I be with you?——————R. W. Johnson—–(2014)

 

 

Zero At Love So Far

 

      Zero At Love So Far

I don’t know just where to start.

I’ve left a trail of broken hearts.

Only problem, they’ve all been mine.

I get hurt by love every time.

 

Yet, I’m willing to try again.

Maybe this time I can win.

I have to learn how to play this game.

Or else, it will always be the same.

 

One more broken heart for sale.

I don’t want to tell that tale.

Round & round I go again.

There has got to be a way to win.

 

Maybe I should stack the deck.

Pad my hand to win the bet.

Yet, that just doesn’t seem fair.

It leaves honesty up in the air.

 

Mama always told me right from the start.

Don’t go around breaking little girls hearts.

Seems it never ends up that way.

My heart gets broken every day.

 

There is someone out there for me.

I must keep searching & try to see

if I can find her before I’m too old.

It’s hard to have faith & be so bold.

 

My record has been zilch so far.

Maybe I need a fancy car.

Maybe I need a face lift too.

What I really need is you.———————-R. W. Johnson—–(2014)

 

On The Road Again

      On The Road Again

Moving along the road of life.

I have seen heartache and strife.

Should I march along and try to hide,

Or hold my head  up with dignity and pride?

Deep within beats a heart of gold.

It is corroded and gotten old & cold.

This life doesn’t give back what you give.

In most cases, your heart will leak like a sieve.

The turnabouts and bumpy roads

will jar you into a ‘turnoff’ mode.

There is no super smooth freeway of life.

No matter how good there is always strife.

Follow the road you made where it sends.

With luck, there will be no dead ends.

Make the most of what you’ve got.

Don’t just bury it all to rot.

What you do affects others too.

They all want to be close to you.

Though times are rough, there is always hope.

You must be as stubborn as a billy goat.

Never give in to defeat and depression.

Always try to make a good impression.

Others will start responding the same.

Soon, you will be playing a whole new game.

Give praise to God as the only one.

You’ll be on the road to kingdom come.

————————————————R. W. Johnson—–(2014)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ode To Prostate Biopsies

Ode To Prostate Biopsies

Any day that starts with an enema can’t be good.

I took my antibiotic and did my enema, like I should.

Then, Had my daughter accompany me to the Dr.

A Urologist , who would complete the shocker.

A Prostate Biopsy to make sure all is right.

It could cause nightmares during the night.

The whole procedure only took about 10 minutes.

But, it seemed a whole lot longer, once you’re in it.

“Lie on your left side with knees bent.”

“First a digital exam.” In the Doc’s finger went.

Talk about a ‘goose’. Quite a jolt it sent.

Then the camera went where no man has gone.

It had a BIG end and was mighty long.

Smarted quite a bit going past the sphincter

Once in it was tolerable. I hoped he didn’t tinker.

“Next,” he said, “a shot of Lidocaine  to numb it”

I didn’t feel a thing. I hoped he didn’t shun it.

He took some quick ultra sound pictures.

“Your prostate is enlarged.”— No shit sir!!

“Now, we’ll take some samples . 12 in all.”

“What!! 12!!”—- I felt like climbing the wall.

There was a loud click as the needle jabbed in.

I tried to count, but the Doc was talking then.

They were painful but, tolerable until # 9.

I gave a jerk like I’d lost my mind. Did that one hurt?” , the Doc asked .

“It smarted pretty good,”  I gasped.

“Hold on. Only 3 more to go,” he said.

I thought he was out of his head.

The next 3 hurt somewhat less.

I had made it through.—- What a test!

I was told I could have blood in urine & stool

from 1-2 weeks. Now, that’s not very cool.

Fortunately, it stopped in a day, or two.

The results of the biopsy would take a week or 2.

So, be forewarned if this ever happens to you.

Just relax. It’s all over in 10 minutes. Don’t be blue.

——————————————————R. W. Johnson—–(2013)

 

 

 

The “Real” Exorcist

 

The ‘Real’ Exorcist

Are you an exorcist?

Yes, I work at the gym.

I teach classes on exercise.

No, I mean one who ousts sin.

 

Sin in the form of demon possession.

Are you kidding me??

I have never held such a session.

That’s odd. I was referred to thee.

 

The local pastor said you were the best.

He said you really knew your stuff.

Is his last name Hess?

He is in my exercise class, he puffed.

 

I think you were confused by his answer.

He thought you were talking about exercise.

I have to get rid of a demon like a cancer.

I don’t need to be doing any exercising.

 

What exactly does this demon do?

Have you seen “The Exorcist”, then you know.

What!! That kind of stuff is happening to you?

That & a lot more you don’t wanna know.

 

He picks me up. He lays me down.

He does other things like bend my back.

My golden hair lies on the ground.

I am surprised my neck or back doesn’t crack.

 

This sounds insane. Have you tried psych help?

Sometimes imagined things can seem real.

How about prayer? Have you asked as you knelt?

I have done it all. They all give the same spiel.

 

Has anyone witnessed these episodes?

Of course they have. They are scared.

They even filmed it in a slower mode.

It is almost more than they can bare.

 

Does it only happen at night?

Mostly when I am asleep.

That must really make you uptight.

I would rather be counting sheep.

 

Have you thought of changing the channel?

What do you mean? Is that a joke?

No, go to sleep with the power of Emmanuel.

Pray He will protect you like other folk.

 

I haven’t tried that. I think I will.

I hope it works for you.

With God’s armor, it surely will.

I’ll surrender to Him. I’m no fool.

 

Did it work? I don’t know the answer.

All I know is God can overcome all.

Be it sin or be it sickness like cancer.

Just trust & have faith. Answer His call.—–R. W. Johnson—–(2014)

 

 

 

 

Starting Over

      Starting Over

I know you’re sorry for the whole thing now.

You want to make it up to me somehow.

But, I’ve moved on to greener pastures.

I wish I could have gotten away faster.

 

I seem to be floating, searching everywhere.

For a love that won’t rip out my hair.

The last adventure didn’t end well.

How it happened,—- I won’t tell.

 

You want to come back once again.

Start all over but, I can’t pretend.

That nothing happened, when it did.

Though a mistake, who can we kid.

The results destroyed all trust.

There is no way to restore ‘us’.

 

I’ve moved on to better things.

I opened up to a life that swings.

No guilt involved because it’s all new.

There is no more me and you.

 

I hope to find one I can trust.

Make up for the both of us.

Have a life of love & devotion.

Free from all the commotion.

 

You want to come back once again.

Start all over but, I can’t pretend.

That nothing happened, when it did.

Though a mistake, who can we kid.

The results destroyed all trust.

There is no way to restore ‘us’.

 

Time passes and nothing has changed.

The incident that ‘scared’ cannot be explained.

Yet, the hurt has mostly gone away.

This time I feel like I want you to stay.

 

The ‘swinging’ life didn’t work out so well.

I was happier before we went to hell.

Maybe we can start over again.

Maybe, this time, we will win.——————R W. Johnson—–(2014)

 

 

 

 

Hoarder Blues

      Hoarder Blues

All these possessions stacked everywhere.

It is almost more than I can bare.

There is books, mail, magazines, & junk.

About ten times more than can fit in a trunk.

Just narrow pathways to walk around.

“This can’t be real”, I say with a frown.

“Is there no room out in back?”

I take a look, & almost fall flat.

The entire house is over flowing.

Even in front & back, it’s growing.

There are no chairs for visitors to sit.

They wouldn’t, if they had any wit.

There is a name for such a disease.

It’s called hoarding, if you please.

Usually such a person is in great denial.

I only say that with a covered smile.

It is a problem almost impossible to deal with.

People say “why put up with it?” You’re a twit.”

Pappy always told me; he never wrote.

“You can’t train a dog by killing the goat.”

Think on that as I move on.

Someday I wish it would all be gone.

But, things happen in their own time.

It’s God’s time, it’s not mine.

Other things are going good.

I have to treat her like I should.

The answer is somewhere down the line.

It is only a matter of ‘God’s’ time.

——————————————R. W. Johnson—–(2014)

 

 

 

 

Gold Digging Bitch

       Gold Digging Bitch

Walking on the wharf, I spotted her.

She was reaching for what wasn’t hers.

She was headed for pier thirty four.

There was the yacht, tied up as before.

She went on board & then below deck.

The yacht wasn’t hers but, what the heck.

She was looking for the yacht’s owner.

She wanted to know why he hadn’t phoned her.

She was just a gold digger at best.

She was no better than all of the rest.

The man was married with children.

It didn’t matter since she would kill him.

She would over dose him on heroin.

She didn’t want to take care of him.

She would dump the body way out at sea.

Then she would say “He meant nothing to me.”

I had a feeling she was up to no good.

I followed her, just like I should.

I had dealt with her kind before.

I knew it before she went in the door.

I over powered her as he lie dying.

Turned her into police. She didn’t try lying.

Now she is serving time for her crime.

His family, without him, spends much time crying.

I shake my head at what she has done.

I’m just so glad I wasn’t the one. ————–R. W. Johnson—–(2014)

 

 

 

 

 

Fever’s Not A Good Thing

       Fever’s Not A Good Thing

I was touched by a fever of unknown source.

I was really hot and sweaty, of course.

Yet, I wasn’t sick. I felt better than ever.

I have felt this way since I met Heather.

Maybe she’s a carrier or something like that.

When I’m near her I can’t talk for crap.

Oh lordy, this can’t be happening to me.

I feel like something is crawling on  me.

I’m just a hunk of burning love for sure.

I’m really worried there may not be a cure.

I haven’t a clue if she feels the same.

I don’t even know if she remembers my name.

The way I’ve been acting,— like a clown.

She doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh, doesn’t even look around.

I just don’t know what else to do.

She needs to know a clown has feelings too.

I have to come up with a better scheme.

Or else I’ll be forced to split the scene.

 

A year has come & gone & I think I’m cured.

Heather is now mine, no matter how weird.

Only problem is she’s a PITA* most of the time.

Why in the world did I want her to be mine?

Now she is stuck on me like glue.

I really don’t know what I can do.

To hurt her feelings just wouldn’t be right.

I toss and turn worrying all through the night.

Fever isn’t always a good thing, as you can see.

Now I don’t see any way I can be free.

The answer is there. It’s just out of sight.

Though I may try with all of my might.

Then the idea hit me. There is my brother.

He is looking to hook up with another.

I wouldn’t wish her on anyone else.

But, my brother is an exception. He will belch.

He always does and it’s so crude.

He will be perfect for her mood.————–R. W. Johnson—–(2014)

*PITA is: Pain in the ass.