Addiction Voices. Sober Choices
Before I lay me down to sleep.
I’m writing down these thoughts to keep.
I have booze that I can drink.
Pills I haven’t thrown down the sink.
I could use and feel quite good.
But, what would happen if I should?
Hooked again with none to blame.
Living with the guilt and shame.
Down the drain with the nasty crap.
Remaining clean and sober is where it’s at.
Being loaded and high can go to hell!!
I’ll stay clean and sober and doing well.——-R. W. Johnson—-(2011)
A Better High
I don’t use smack & I don’t use crack.
I don’t associate with those who do.
Hallucinogenics are exactly that.
They are not the real you.
Alcohol can give you a buzz.
In the end it will be the end of you.
You’ll end up wanting it the way it was.
Marijuana can get you high.
You’ll lose all motivation .
You won’t even try.
Many things can get you high.
If that is what you’re looking for.
Higher than a kite can fly.
But, the crash is a real chore.
The old saying remains true.
What is that you may ask?
You can never run away from you.
It’s shocking when you remove the mask.
There is something much better.
You will stay high all the time.
It is the forgiveness and love of God.
I will take that high anytime..——————-R.W. Johnson—–(2014)
Captive
The first time to tell my story is a fright.
I’m the special speaker at A. A. tonight.
My sponsor says it will be alright.
As I start my story I’m a little uptight.
For me it started in my teenage years.
No, not drinking or drugs. Not even beer.
I was a straight girl. Nothing less.
I was a virgin, as you might guess.
It happened as I was walking home.
I was grabbed from behind. I was alone.
I was thrown into the back of a van.
I was given chloroform by the man.
When I awoke I was locked in a room.
Mattress on the floor there in the gloom.
Bars on the window. The door was locked.
A bucket in the corner to use as a pot.
After awhile, the man came into the room.
“You’re my sex slave” said the goon.
I remember my thoughts as he stripped me bare.
What will I tell my teddy bear??
That first time hurt so bad I prayed he would stop.
Finally he got up. I was glued to the spot.
No sooner had he left than another came in.
Then the whole thing started again.
I won’t go into detail what all they did to me.
Let your imagine run wild, then you might see.
After almost a month the police broke in.
They took me from that house of sin.
To me, it seemed like a year or more.
I was frozen to my very core.
I have been asked how I survived.
It was a miracle I was even alive.
All I remember to fill the void.
I became an organic robitoid.
I went through the motions they said to do.
Inside I thought— I am dead to you.
I had no emotional response.
A machine, moving only to their taunts.
Months of therapy didn’t help my gloom.
I lived with my parents, mostly in my room.
I rarely came out. I hated crowds.
I ate in my room. Often I cried out loud.
My dad gave me some wine once with dinner.
He said “Deep inside I know you’re a winner.”
I felt a little better after a drink or two.
Then I knew exactly what I’d do.
There was a liquor store near the house.
I would sneak out quiet as a mouse.
Cover myself up good with clothes.
All you could see was just my nose.
I was soon buying wine by the case.
Hiding the empties all over the place.
After 2-3 bottles of wine a day,
things seemed to be, almost, o.k.
Then, one day, while watching TV
It was like they were talking about me.
It was a program about alcohol abuse.
I was killing myself just to feel loose.
I said no,— I could stop if I wanted to.
So I told myself no to the booze.
Soon, I was shaking and sick as hell.
I told my folks I didn’t feel well.
I confessed all my drinking to them.
Asked them to take me to detox then.
I detoxed and started in a program.
Got a sponsor and said I’d show them.
I stayed sober and worked the steps.
Now, I’m telling all, how my life was a mess.
How I was captive of my own devices.
But, now, I really know what nice is.
I’d been captive to a sick sexual nut.
It was hard, but, I got out of that rut.
To sum it up as to what it means to me.
Thank God. Now I am finally free!!
A quiet hush fell over the place.
There was hardly a dry eye in the place.
As I stepped down everyone did clap
People were hugging me and patting my back.
I felt welcome. I felt loved.
I give all thanks to God above————–R. W. Johnson——(2011)