Humor – Page 3 – Word Smith Wisdom

Computer Joke Of The Wrong Kind

Little Billy Keefer had a problem.
He didn’t know how to solve them.
After all,—– he is only nine.
Someone hacked his computer time.
He only plays simple computer games.
Makes things explode and go up in flames.
Fun games, like all kids play.
He would like to blow the hacker up some day.
Often, he can’t get in to play.
It says if you want in, pay money today.
He never had to pay before.
He was mad. This means war.
He will talk to his BIG brother.
Get some help with this bugger.
His brother set up a virus to wipe out the hacker.
First he used a thing called a tracker.
Before long, daddy was cussing.
He got a virus and it had him fussing.
Little Billy said “I know how you feel.”
“I had a hacker, but I made him squeal.”
“What!!” daddy yelled. “That was me.”
“I was just playing a joke, you see.”
“Your virus wiped out my computer!!”
“What am I going to do now dear?”
His wife had no sympathy for him.
She felt he got what was coming to him.
What comes around goes around they say.
Better save such jokes for another day.

—————————————–R.W. Johnson—–(2018)

Rough Love

Rough Love

In romance, you’re like an NFL linebacker.

In things of love, you’re a real nut cracker.

You come on so strong, it’s like a tackle.

A ‘no’ answer will raise your hackles.

All who date you fear for their lives.

They would rather fight 100 bee hives.

Those who have tried to escape

paid in the end by being raped.

A woman can rape a man if it’s you.

No one turns you down. That’s the rule.

Vinegar won’t attract like honey will.

But, in your case, you’d rather kill.

You’re a dangerous woman to be around.

You end up smashing Cupid into the ground.

Love poems by you are totally insane.

A zombie making love to a brain.

Only you make love a four letter word.

For you to be sweet is totally absurd.

Maybe bigfoot would be the one for you.

Big, smelly, and hairy with nothing to do.

You’re number 1 on the most unwanted list.

You do give a choice. A kiss or a fist.

You think a Harlequin novel is a horror story.

You love violence in all its glory.

There is little hope for someone like you.

Maybe you could get a job in a zoo.

People will throw you peanuts.

Just don’t try to rip off their penis.

————————————–R.W. Johnson—–(2017)

Message From The Grave

Message From The Grave

You are gone, but I hear your voice once more.

It is like you are right outside the door.

This can’t be because you have passed over.

You are in the cemetery pushing up clover.

Am I loosing it? Going out of my mind?

I will miss you till the end of time.

I always thought, once you’re dead, you’re gone.

No after life in the grave to carry on.

Yet, you’re voice keeps coming back to me.

Can grief cause these things I hear and see?

I thought I saw you leaving the room.

I ran to look, but there was nothing in the gloom.

If you have returned, appear at my side.

Let me talk with you. Are you alive?

Is there something you want to say to me?

Talk to me now so I can be able to see.

Is that you, standing by the door?

Like I saw you standing there before?

Talk to me. Tell me what you have to say.

I know it’s important. Tell me today.

What was that? Don’t talk to my back.

Don’t forget to feed the cat???

——————————————–R.W. Johnson—–(2017)

Kronos Escapes Hell (Preface)

Kronos escapes Hell (Preface)

The person known as ‘The Shadow,’

Is about to make the world rattle.

He is leaning toward Black Magic.

He notices something odd, maybe tragic.

A tight knit ball of energy.

Black Magic generated, he could see.

This is very odd, he thought to himself.

Greater power was here, he felt.

He had to break it open somehow.

He’d been working for days, till now.

He felt something start to give.

This might give him power to live.

Suddenly, the whole room was engulfed,

A tremendous power was loose, he felt.

Then, a man appeared from nowhere.

A Warlock, from the clothes he did wear.

He looked like he was from an ancient time.

His cold black eyes stared into mine.

I was frozen to the spot with his gaze.

“Where am I?” he said through the haze.

“2017, you are in my lab.”

“You are a Warlock then?” He said.

“Magic was non-existent for eons.” “Instead,

I learned how to tap into it again.”

“You can then send me back to when.”

“Who are you?” The Shadow whined.

“I am Kronos, the greatest Warlock of all time.”

“I was defeated by Anika, a whimpy Wizard.”

“I was sent to hell by demons.” “They delivered.”

“I created a Black Magic link for this.”

“You brought me here when you did persist.”

“Now, I will tell you how to send me back.”

“Revenge calls. I must put Anika on the rack.”

“Give her a taste of hell.”

“Once she is dead, all will be well.”

“I might bring you back as my assistant.”

“An acolyte.” “I owe you for being persistent.”

The Shadow was cowering in the corner.

Kronos drew him out and said: “I scorn her.”

“You will help me to return to my past.”

Kronos told him all to do. Then, at last,

A column of Black Fire appeared.

Kronos walked in and he disappeared.

The fire went out and The Shadow shook.

Such power, and Kronos didn’t use a book.

The Shadow determined to become his acolyte.

To control such power would be a fright.

But, he felt he was up to the task.

He would wait till Kronos returned, at last.

Until then, he would learn all he could on his own.

What happened next will chill you to the bone.

———————————————R.W. Johnson——(2017)

Little To Say

Little To Say

Chicken in the bread pan kickin out dough.

There is so much more to know.

Hound dog barking up side the hill.

Love is dragging him through the mill.

Yes, he died with a sword in his hand.

Did that make him a better man?

Home is a place where roots are grown.

Someone told me that on the phone.

Have you ever tried to sift your thoughts?

You usually end up tied in knots.

Freedom came to the world the other day.

It didn’t last long cause no one could pay.

Why is there Braille in some drive thru’s?

Is it a joke,—– or am I a fool?

If Gods of old were still alive now

they would say things have gotten foul.

A genius once said that having brains

does very little for his aches and pains.

I can never belong to you.

There are too many other things to do.

The morning after that bloody day,

one tin soldier rides away.

Do you think birds ever wonder why we walk?

If we walk the walk, we have to talk the talk.

All things happen for a reason.

Most things come in due season.

What goes around comes around.

Karma is a bitch, even for clowns.

Did you like what I had to say?

Sorry, but I had very little to say today.

——————————-R.W. Johnson—–(2017)

The Speed Reader

The Speed Reader

I signed up for a speed reading course.

I was a slow reader, due to being forced.

The course was by Evelyn Woodhead.

By the time I was done, I was almost dead.

Read faster or lose a finger.

Keep reading. It’s no time to linger.

Read when the pressure is on.

Keep reading from dusk to dawn.

Keep reading and do not sleep.

Keep reading and do not eat.

If you stop you may lose your head.

Keep reading or you’ll end up dead.

I read like hell just to survive.

I had to make it out alive.

I read War And Peace in less than a day.

There was no time to relax and play.

Such a course is run by the devil.

I am talking on the level.

Finally, came the day I got my degree.

Signed in blood for all to see.

I can speed read like a champ.

Even though many others can’t.

There’s just one problem with the lot.

When I start, I just can’t stop.

—————————-R.W. Johnson—–(2017)

The Scientist Strikes Out

The Scientist Strikes Out

The scientist was working late in his lab.

He was close to success and he was glad.

He had loved super heroes all his life.

He often shared his desire with his wife.

Now, he was on the verge of discovery.

A super hero that would set us all free.

It would happen right here in his lab.

He was so excited, he was almost mad.

All his creation needed was a transfusion.

Super infused blood. It was no illusion.

His creation would then come to life.

No frankincense monster. It was his wife.

She volunteered. Or, so it would seem.

To convince her, he went to the extreme.

So, carefully, the transfusion began.

The result of this should make him the man.

Once completed, slowly, she began to rise.

Then, she began to yell, much to his surprise.

“Come here you little runt” “Bring me water.”

“Hurry, or I’ll kick your ass!” “Why bother.”

“I could mash you like a bug. You hear!”

“Yes,—– you have a lot to fear!”

“I am not becoming a super hero for you.”

“I am going to do just what I want to do.”

“I will be a couch potato. You’ll care for me.”

“Anything I want you will get.” “You see!”

“Your life will be a living hell.”

“While mine will be doing real swell.”

“Make one mistake and I’ll rip you apart.”

“That is coming straight from my heart.”

“You know what I am able to do.”

“After all, I was created by you.”

The scientist had created a living monster.

It will be hell to take her to a concert.

His life was done. There was no way out.

No one will know what this is about.

They will call him ‘Mr. Milktoast.’

He decided he would rather be a ghost.

So, he tried to snuff himself out.

He didn’t succeed. She called him a lout.

When she was done he wished he was dead.

Why, oh why had they ever wed.

Let all this be a warning to all others.

Never marry a monster. Stay with your mothers.

———————————-R.W. Johnson—–(2017)

Ghost One. Humans None.

Ghost One. Humans None.

Something real funny is going on.

I left it right here, now it’s gone.

No one was here to take it away.

I haven’t gone anywhere all day.

It’s happened before. Stuff moved about.

Made me so mad, I wanted to shout.

Friends say it’s a ghost. A soul lost.

Ain’t no wraith gonna run me off.

I hear strange noises in the night.

Like chains rattling, or a clanging pipe.

Strange smells, like rotting mildew.

Or rotting meat, to name a few.

Then, I saw a shadow covered in slime.

It said: “You be gone by tomorrow this time.”

I said: “No, I won’t go. This house is mine.”

It disappeared, leaving a stink. It’s a crime.

I wasn’t sure just what I’d do.

I decided to call in you.

Your fame is a ghost hunter and more.

You would escort the ghost right out the door.

The wraith appeared, sitting on a hot stove.

Soon, his smell was something to loathe.

He said: “You be gone when the morning come.”

You said: “Now, I’ve got you on the run.”

You surrounded it with a circle of salt.

Made a pentagram with powdered malt.

Mumbled an enchantment, or two.

The ghost simply smiled at you.

You yelled: “Leave, and never return.”

The ghost disappeared with no concern.

You said: “My job here is done.”

The ghost said: “Now you be on the run.”

We both yelled in our surprise.

The ghost disappeared before our eyes.

You said: “This may be harder than I thought.”

I said: “Tell me. Is this all you brought?”

“We will trap it in a web of spells.”

“Bind it up until it yells.”

The wraith came back, causing much fear.

It said: “That won’t work. Now you be gone from here.”

The ghost never left the place.

I decided I had better taste.

You decided to change careers.

We both went out and had some beers.

——————————————R.W. Johnson—–(2017)

Mind Of A Kid

Mind Of A Kid

It is the end,—- I can see.

Someone is closing in on me.

There is no place left to hide.

There is no way to stem the tide.

I’ve begged, cried, and carried on.

Nothing can detour my mom.

I am trapped in this dream.

I can’t awaken, so it seems.

What a nightmare, often repeating.

It seems, there is no more retreating.

I could face it, but I don’t have the nerve.

Life has thrown me a vicious curve.

This is it.—The end at last.

She says: “Come on Timmy, it’s time for your bath.”

————————————–R.W. Johnson—–(2017)

Uncle John

Uncle John

Uncle John was always sneaking around.

If not that, he was acting like a clown.

He is one I wouldn’t trust far.

He always knows just where you are.

There is a method to his madness.

I need to figure out his sadness.

He acts as though he might be depressed.

Then he starts acting as if possessed.

Is the man just crazy as a loon?

Or, just a screw loose, whacky buffoon?

Not much difference, you might say.

You wouldn’t give him the time of day.

He is my uncle, so I have to claim him.

Every family has a closet kin.

Not talking about a gay here.

Talking about the ‘fruitcake,’ I fear.

I have tried talking to him before.

Before I knew, I was out the door.

What makes him tick needs more scrutiny.

For, I know he is no fool, you see.

I have a suspicion it is all an act.

It is all an act just to distract.

Whatever his insecurities are?

They have remained a mystery so far.

But, I won’t give up on him.

He’s my uncle, that’s not a sin.

He may be weird, but loveable too.

Who else would give me snuff to chew.

————————-R.W. Johnson—–(2017)