Category: Humor

A Better High

               A Better High

I don’t use smack & I don’t use crack.

I don’t associate with those who do.

Hallucinogenics are  exactly that.

They are not the real you.

Alcohol can give you a buzz.

In the end it will be the end of you.

You’ll end up wanting it the way it was.

Marijuana can get you high.

You’ll lose all motivation .

You won’t even try.

Many things can get you high.

If that is what you’re looking for.

Higher than a kite can fly.

But, the crash is a real chore.

The old saying remains true.

What is that you may ask?

You can never run away from you.

It’s shocking when you remove the mask.

There is something much better.

You will stay high all the time.

It is the forgiveness and love of God.

I will take that high anytime..——————-R.W. Johnson—–(2014)

 

Fat Cat Nap

                Fat Cat Nap

Early one morning I awoke from sleep.

I had the urge to take a leek.

I dragged out of bed for a bathroom break.

I still was not fully awake.

I was still in a sleepy mood.

But, I felt like I needed some food.

I went to the kitchen to get a bite.

I found some cereal that I like.

The kitchen floor on my feet felt cool.

I still hadn’t put on socks or shoes.

As I sat at the table starting to eat,

I felt something against my feet.

It felt like whiskers, was my guess.

Probably Squally wanting food, no less.

Then I felt something cold and wet.

It was rubbing against my feet yet.

It was probably Squally so I looked down.

It wasn’t a fat cat that I found.

At my feet was a large rat.

I jumped & spilled cereal in my lap.

The rat was gone in nothing flat.

“Squally!!”, where is that fat cat?

I went looking to see where he was at.

He was in the living room asleep in a chair.

He didn’t even know the rat was there.

I let Squally smell my feet.

Hoping he would smell the rat & get to his feet.

He took a sniff of my foot.

Then gave me a dirty look.

Then turned over & went back to sleep.

He could care less about my feet.

Does this happen every time?

I am just playing a game in my mind.———-R. W. Johnson—–(2014)

 

Punk Skunk (4 poems)

Punk Skunk

Punk Skunk went to town

with his britches upside down.

Punk Skunk let a fart

and blew the sidewalk all apart.

When the police came to see.

Punk Skunk said “It wasn’t me.”

But, they knew that he had lied.

Cause Punk Skunk’s smell

could make you cry, or die.—————–R. W. Johnson—–(1984)

 

Punk goes to school

One day Punk Skunk went to school.

Just to see how much he knew.

The teacher said it’s time for art.

Punk Skunk thought she said to fart.

Punk Skunk passed an awful smell

that made the children cough & yell.

As the children choked & screamed,

Punk Skunk up & split the scene.

He said “Home is the place for me.

I’m smarter than them. It’s plain to see.”—–R. W. Johnson—–(1984)

 

Punk Skunk has a date

Punk Skunk called someone for a date.

He was told he better not be late.

When he arrived, she opened the door

&  immediately fell upon the floor.

She coughed & choked & held her nose.

Then sprayed him down with a water hose.

Punk Skunk ran away in tears

& hasn’t had another date in years.———–R. W. Johnson—–(1985)

 

Punk Skunk’s first job

Punk Skunk got a job one day.

Watching children while they play.

But, when the children came outside.

They coughed & choked & almost died.

They all fell upon the ground

& started spinning round & round.

Punk Skunk didn’t know what to do.

He thought, maybe,  they had the flu.

He thought they could use some air.

So he fanned his tail on everyone there.

But, when they started turning blue

Punk Skunk didn’t know what to do.

So Punk Skunk turned & ran away.

He quit his job that very day.——————R. W. Johnson—–(1985)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cat In The House

 

          Cat In The House

What’s a house without a cat?

Having a cat is where it’s at.

Despite the scratches & shedding.

A cat is better than a wedding.

A cat will sleep most of the day.

Very seldom does he play.

Just eats, pees, poops & sleeps.

He knows he is here for keeps.

He has gained weight like crazy.

Due to being ‘fixed’, maybe.

His claws can rip your skin.

Depending on what mood he’s in.

Sometimes he can even bite.

If he is looking for a fight.

He is finicky & picky with his food.

He will only eat when in the mood.

That mood is frequent for him.

That accounts for the shape he’s in.

I guess this all sounds pretty lame.

Having a cat is not a game.

Despite all that’s mentioned above.

He will fill your house with love.

So, if you do not have a cat.

Get one, because a cat is where it’s at.——-R. W. Johnson—–(2014)

Reminiscing Again

             Reminiscing Again

“The hardest thing for me to do.

Is to be like Captain Kangaroo.”

“Are you daft?”,  you say to me.

“You’ve got to be at least 83.”

“I’m not even close” I say with a huff.

“What about H. R. Puff N. Stuff?”

“What the heck are you talking about?”

“Nothing, nothing at all” I say with a pout.

“Just thinking how it was as a kid.”

“Who were those weird people?”

“Cartoons and TV people.”

“Like Howdy Doody and Clarabelle.”

“Or the Tasmanian Devil from hell.”

“Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam.”

“ Catch the Road Runner if you can.”

“Before TV there was radio shows.”

“Like Inner Sanctum & The Space Patrol.”

“Amos and Andy. The Shadow knows.”

“Gunsmoke and Roy Rogers too.”

“So many I can’t tell them all to you.”

“What? No Dragon Ball Z or Pokemon?”

“Nothing on today was on back then”

“Those were simpler days back when.”

“I miss those days & the fun we had.”

“Too many people these days are sad.”

“Reminiscing is fun to do.”

“You can do it when your older too.”———R. W. Johnson—–(2014)

 

 

 

John lays down roots

 

John Bailey finally had a home.

There was no way he would roam.

He had put his roots down deep.

He could finally rest his feet.

 

The trip here was not an easy one.

It was heated and it wasn’t fun.

“You’re not moving across the street”

“Quit trying to be so darn discreet.”

 

His mother was highly upset.

His dad too, lost all respect.

“How will we ever see you again?”

“You might as well be in the pen.”

 

“Locked up with the key thrown away.”

“We’ll say we knew you back in the day.”

“I will only be across the street!!”

“I can see you by using my feet.”

 

“Sure, you’re gonna do that all right.”

“You wouldn’t come if there was a fight.”

“A robbery could be going on.”

“Maybe an injury, or just a con.”

 

“Where will you be to help?”

“Across the street, you little whelp.”

“We knew you would come to no good.”

“Being much stricter with you, we should.”

 

“Teach you to respect your elders.”

“Not be running off. You could live in the cellar”

“I guess were not good enough for you.”

“All you ever did was fuss and stew.”

——————-0——————–

Sometime later his mother fell.

His father couldn’t get her up very well.

His sister said “Call John for help.”

“What!! Call that little whelp!!.”

 

His sister came over and got John.

Johnran to help his mom.

They were suprised to see him there.

Then they saw that he did care.

 

Yes, John has laid down roots..

He daily puts on his boots.

Then he walks across the street.

Now things are really sweet.—————R. W. Johnson—–(2014)